Frequent readers of the blog will want to sit down for this one. As you all know, the unofficial sponsor of the mookiefantana.com deer hunting blog has always been Kwik Trip. Sponsor is probably not the appropriate word. Inspiration? Muse? Delicious snack and satisfying beverage provider? I always thought sponsor sounded good, but it’s not like KT is giving me free Dunkers for all the love I’m showing them on this website. However, I really do like the sound of Kwik Trip: Official Delicious Snack and Satisfying Beverage Provider of mookiefantana.com.
Kwik Trip is and always will be our unofficial sponsor, unless they decide to sponsor this site, in which case they’ll become an official sponsor. The important announcement is not that I’m switching to a new snack and beverage provider. Did you think I was going to say, “From now on our favorite highway stop is (insert name of inferior convenience store here).” Hell no. Do they have blueberry dunkers, roller bites, Tornadoes, Big Buddy drinks, Cafe Karuba coffee, delicious hot sandwiches, and a Kwik Rewards program that gets me a crap ton of free stuff? They do not. All convenience stores that aren’t Kwik Trip can die in hell.
Here’s the dirty secret: Not all Kwik Trips are created equal. When Tyson and I head west to the hunting land our first stop is always Kwik Trip #621 in Bonduel, Wisconsin. It’s a welcoming beacon in the night when you’re on Highway 29. You can spot the crimson KT towering over the road from at least a mile away. The timing and location of that Kwik Trip are perfect. We typically wake up at an absurd time to make this trip. We like to hit the road by 3:00 AM so we’re at the hunting land sometime around daybreak. Bonduel is about 30 minutes from my house. We can get on the road and shake off the cobwebs from waking up at 2:00, but we still don’t have to wait too long to fuel up. However, aside from their amazing selection of comical alcoholic beverages in huge cans (Natty Rush Blue Frostbite in a 25 ounce can…one extra ounce free!), the Bonduel Kwik Trip is actually fool’s gold. I’d estimate half of the time the Diet Mountain Dew in the fountain beverage machine is out of order, forcing me in to a bottle with less Diet Dew for more than twice the price. I’ve never seen anything on the roller grill there. While that’s not a deal breaker for me, it’s a cardinal sin in Tyson’s book.
You. Do. Not. Come. Between. Tyson. And. His. Roller Bites. Motherfucker.
Without getting in to more detail, I’ll just say that Bonduel has always left us mildly disappointed. All sizzle no steak. I’m happy to announce that we have a new option. Something big happened in my neighborhood since we last made the trip to Polk County. Sometime in spring 2018 the BP two blocks from my house closed unceremoniously. In late-July after a facelift and some rebranding, dreams came true. Out of the ashes of Webster Avenue BP rose Kwik Trip #1030 and it is glorious. It has everything including a brand new car wash with two wash bays. Shorter lines! No duallys, though, guys. You hear me. If you try to fit your god damned duallys in the car wash there’s no telling what will happen. Probably something terrible like revocation of your dually status resulting in removal of your 5th and 6th tires, which I’m sure are totally necessary.
The finest Kwik Trip in the midwest is now mere blocks from my home and it’s open 24 hours. An old tradition dies this year. Unless one of us has to pee or purchase a 78 ounce can of Four Loko as a joke for Brett there will be no more stops at Bonduel Kwik Trip. We are trading her in for a younger model. Our hearts and our early morning business have moved to Webster Avenue in Allouez. Tyson is unavailable for comment, but I feel I can speak for both of us when I thank Bonduel for its years of service. While your roller grill literally never had anything on it and your fountain beverages were hit or miss, you were still good for a fresh bunch bananas and a sixer of Dunkers, and there’s always a place in my life for those things. From now on when we approach the Bonduel exit we’ll resist her siren call and instead give a nod of respect and a hearty salute. To the Kwik Trips in Wausau, Barron, and Bloomer, you needn’t worry. We’ll still be seeing you.
There’s nothing left to believe in.