#69 – Master of Puppets

Apple Music Rank: 69

Album: Master of Puppets

Artist: Metallica

Year: 1986

Genre: Metal

Was I familiar with Metallica?  I grew up in northeast Wisconsin. Pretty sure there are at least two radio stations that still keep Metallica in heavy rotation 24/7. I think WAPL’s tagline in the late-80s was simply “If you don’t listen, you’re a pussy.” Fun fact: Metallica has appeared on every noon lunch hour Two for Tuesday since ’86. Don’t look that up. To answer my question, yes, I’m familiar with Metallica.

Had I heard Master of Puppets? Not entirely, and certainly not intentionally, but they’re unavoidable around here. I’ve heard a lot of Metallica.

Thoughts on Master of Puppets: I struggle with Metallica for a variety of reasons that have nothing to do with Metallica. I’ll get this out of the way right at the top: I don’t dislike this album or their music. I think they’re great musicians. My knowledge of “metal” – or whatever you want to call this genre – is admittedly limited, but Metallica is the best I’ve heard. The whole point of this run through the Apple Top 100 was for me to expand my horizons. This project has forced me to listen to Metallica even though I’ve generally avoided them for my entire life for one dumb reason.

Going back to last week’s post about N.W.A, I took a lot of shit in high school for the music that I liked. A lot of people called me “wannabe” or “n****r lover” because of what I liked. Many of those same people were routinely wearing Metallica t-shirts. So, naturally, my reaction was, “fuck Metallica.” And Guns ‘n Roses. And whatever other bands they were into. If they’re against me, I’m against them too, right? I carry that with me anytime I hear Metallica. My opinion of Metallica and everyone like them was “fuck those guys” long before I ever heard a note of their music.

The ironic twist here is that my wife, Chelsee, loves Metallica. She’s not a melomaniac like I am, but when she hears Metallica she goes into a trance like Elaine’s “Desperado” boyfriend on Seinfeld. It makes no sense to me. If you know Chelsee you’ll see she’s the least Metallica person who’s ever lived. If New Kids on the Block start playing she goes into a finger-snapping frenzy. Yet her favorite band is Metallica. She framed the lyrics to a song called “Nothing Else Matters” and hung them on our wall. It’s a deeply personal song about love and trust. Add Metallica’s music and it becomes the kind of song in a movie that a deformed man sings to the only woman who truly understands him right before she gets killed and he goes on his quest for vengeance. It would fit perfectly in the new Frankenstein. My soon-to-be-19-year-old daughter Phoebe came into this world to “Enter Sandman“, which is simultaneously the coolest thing ever and the least Phoebe thing ever. I thought I’d fill the labor mix with a bunch of mellow music to keep the mood as light as possible. Chelsee turned it into an episode of Headbangers Ball. True story: Moments before my daughter was about to be born the doctor stopped what he was doing, looked at us, and said, “Metallica on the labor mix…nice!” Then he got back to work and delivered Phoebe.

Here’s the obvious fact about Metallica. They’re badass. I dig quality rock music, and Metallica is a quality band. Just because it’s not regularly in rotation for me doesn’t mean I don’t dig it. There were plenty of shitty bands in the late-80s/early-90s getting airplay and Metallica is far superior to all of them in my opinion. I don’t think enough is said about just how good Metallica is. People get into the dark vibe and wear the t-shirts, but I don’t hear people give them respect for just how fucking good they are. A billion garage bands have tried and failed to do what Metallica can. I’d love to hear Metallica take on another genre just to see what happens. They’re great musicians. Can they play out of that comfort zone? I’ve never seen them in concert. Do they cover anything funky or soulful? Just once was James Hetfield like, “We’re gonna change gears here. This is ‘Got to Give it Up‘ by Marvin Gaye”? If so, you know you’d click on that link immediately. I’m not saying they need to prove anything. If you’re the best at what you do, why stray? I’m saying they’re obviously talented. I wanna know if they’re also versatile.

Master of Puppets is the Metallica archetype. 54 minutes of pure adrenaline. This leads me to my other problem with what I’ve heard from Metallica. I used to be a distance runner (I should do that again…). I would load up my running mixes with hype shit. When I was just getting started and was only going on 10-20 minute runs that worked. Give me 4-5 songs by Public Enemy, Wu Tang, Living Color, Redman, etc. and I’m good to go. The longer those runs got, the more I realized that was messing with my mind. It was having the opposite effect on me. Too much hype shit wears me out. The first 10K I ever ran I was burned out halfway through wishing I had planned my music differently. That’s what Metallica albums sound like. When I press play on this album my initial reaction is, “Hell yes. This shit is so good. This band is incredible.” I could run through a brick wall. Ten minutes later I’m like, “OK, fellas. I get it. Everything is dark and angry. Dial it back a few thousand notches.” Songs like “Welcome Home (Sanitarium)” and “Disposable Heroes” are phenomenal on their own. Instead they’re sandwiched in the middle of six other angry songs on this album and they just blend in. I guess that’s my longwinded way of saying I prefer Metallica in small doses.

For my second 10K I mixed it up. 20 minutes into my run I threw in “Smooth Operator” by Sade. Dropped in “Lady” by D’Angelo. Stuff like that. It improved my mindset. Put a smile on my face. I know it’s against everything Metallica is to say, “Hey, lighten up! Try a major chord!” That’s not Metallica, and I get it, but that’s why I can’t get on board. Play me one or two Metallica songs and they’re one of my favorite bands. Make me listen to them for 55 minutes and I’ll be begging you to make it stop. Or, I’ll turn into Taylor in this scene from Barry.

By the way, I expected album #69 to be sexier. Apple dropped the ball on that one.

Favorite track: I’m gonna go with “Disposable Heroes”. This song makes me wanna drive 180 MPH in a Camaro until I burst into flames.

Will I listen to Master of Puppets again? Not intentionally.

Would I buy it on vinyl? I’ll pass, but I’ve got nothing but respect for Metallica.

To access more expert analysis of the Apple 100 Best Albums list click here.