Apple Music Rank: 78
Album: Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
Artist: Elton John
Year: 1973
Genre: Rock
Was I familiar with Elton John? Yes, but I’m going to admit this right out of the gate: I’ve spent my entire life confusing Elton John and Billy Joel. Is that normal? I blame it on the two-syllable first names and four-letter last names beginning in J-O. If you present a picture of one of them I can correctly identify it. If you play their music there’s a 50/50 chance I’m going to get the name wrong. Rocket Man. Piano Man. I’m still not positive which one of them sang it…or even positive that those two songs are by two different people. Maybe they were both Billy Joel. I can’t remember, nor have I ever cared enough to explore it further.
Had I heard Goodbye Yellow Brick Road? Only a few of the songs. Certainly never the entire album.
Thoughts on Goodbye Yellow Brick Road: For starters, it’s a bold move to open an album with an 11-minute track and not hear any vocals for the first half of it. You got my attention, Billy Joel. OK, I was kidding on that one. I’m 80% sure I’m listening to Elton John right now. Anyway, when John finally does start singing on “Love Lies Bleeding” it’s kind of fire. Do I like Elton John?
The second track is “Candle in the Wind” which I thought was written about Princess Di. I guess not. I’m sure I knew the version that became popular in the late-90s after Diana’s passing was a remake of a song he originally wrote about Marilyn Monroe, but I had forgotten that trivia long ago. Regardless, the Marilyn Monroe version is far superior. Neither version comes close to “5,000 Candles in the Wind” but this album is off to a decent start.
Ugh. “Bennie and the Jets“. I’ll put this as politely as I can. I despise this song. I’ll stop with the track-by-track breakdown now. I just wanted to use it to illustrate how I was pleasantly surprised by the first two tracks only to have “Bennie and the Jets” kick my ears in the balls. Don’t ask me to explain why that song makes my skin crawl. It just does. All of it. My opinion of Elton John and therefore Billy Joel is based almost solely on my hatred of this one song. When my beloved A Tribe Called Quest added elements of “Bennie and the Jets” (including the title) to their 2016 song “Solid Wall of Sound” it upset me. I skip that track every time I listen to the album. Keep in mind that anything I say about this album from this point forward will be tainted by its inclusion of “Bennie and the Jets”. I don’t like being negative. There’s plenty of negativity online. I try my best to spread positivity on this site and praise, but I just can’t sugarcoat my feelings for this song. I dislike it so much I’m getting angry.
Moving on, don’t tell me “Sweet Painted Lady” doesn’t sound exactly like Billy Joel. I’m convinced right now you arrogant people who walk around all confident like you can tell the difference between Elton John and Billy Joel are conspiring to mess with me. They’re the same dude.
“Jamaica Jerk-Off” sounds like cultural appropriation on some level. Whatever. I’m done writing about this record. I swear I tried, Elton John. This is just not for me. It hits my ears and/or my soul differently than it does other people, I guess. It goes back to what I said when I started this countdown: If it ain’t funky, I don’t wanna hear it. I’m paraphrasing a Morris Day quote there, but it’s how I feel when I hear this album. Nothing swings. No funk whatsoever.
I wonder how I’d feel about this record if I’d been alive and aware of popular music in 1973. Maybe this was groundbreaking then. I have a feeling I would’ve been listening to Stevie and Sly just like I do now. Not this. It sounds basic and straightforward to me. Nothing adventurous. Average. It’s another record that I wouldn’t give a second thought to, but the fact that people adore it enough to place it on a top 100 list makes me question myself again. What am I missing? Why do people love this? I’m not hearing it at all. If I had to sum up my feelings on this album in one sentence it would be, “Whatever, you got anything else we can listen to?”
Favorite track: Nothing blew my mind, but if I have to pick on it’s gotta be “I’ve Seen That Movie Too“. When music isn’t funky, I tend to gravitate toward melancholy.
Will I listen to Goodbye Yellow Brick Road again? I’m sure I’ll hear songs from it for the rest of my life whether I want to or not (I don’t), but I will not seek it out.
Would I buy it on vinyl? Really?
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