I know, I know. I already did this.
In February I created what I believed at the time to be my definitive Amy Winehouse Mix CD. Then something happened. Amy cast a spell on me. I’ve been listening to Amy Winehouse for 17-18 years. I know there are people who knew and loved her music long before I did. I’m not trying to one-up anyone. Just saying that I didn’t discover her recently. Yet, a transformation took place when I researched my last Amy post. That was five months ago and I haven’t stopped listening to her since. I was always a fan, but now it’s become borderline obsession. I spend nights watching live performances on YouTube. I scour the internet for remixes and rarities. I sit in front of my computer comparing vocal performances and dreaming of the concerts that I’d press on vinyl if I had the ability. In case anyone with any influence comes across this post those concerts are her 2006 performance on the BBC concert series Other Voices – which inspired its own documentary called Amy Winehouse: The Day She Came to Dingle. The other is her 2007 appearance with the Dap Kings and Mos Def on the MTV series 45th at Night. If you press them on vinyl I’ll buy both and play them until they’re worn out, please and thank you.
I’ve been trying to fathom what it is about Amy that has had me locked in for months. Aside from the obvious amazing voice I have a few thoughts on what makes her so unique. First, there hasn’t been a popular singer like her for decades before or since…maybe ever. There may have been better voices – very few, but admittedly there are some. It’s how she uses her voice. There are standard characteristics to her songs that apply to most popular music like verses, choruses, etc, but when Amy sings anything can happen within them. She approached contemporary popular music like a jazz singer. You can listen to the same Amy Winehouse song performed five different times and there’s a good chance you’re going to hear five very different performances. The lyrics are the same, but she’s going to Coltrane the shit out of it. She sings how she feels at the moment and she rarely misses a note. You never know when she’s gonna shock you with a note, run, or vibrato out of place. No matter what, it’s always captivating. I used to chalk her spontaneity up to her habit of performing under the influence, and that might have something to do with it. Now I know that it had more to do with her extensive jazz background. She grew up on Sarah Vaughn and Dinah Washington and was improvising at places like the North Sea Jazz Festival years before the drugs and alcohol became an obvious problem. Even while she was performing while drunk and/or high, she might stumble around and slur her words between songs but once the music started the creative vocals instinctively poured out of her.
The second obvious quality that sets her apart is her songwriting. I’ve listened to her songs on repeat for months and I still hear lines that make me think, “Who writes that?!?” When you consider that it was someone in her late-teens/early-20s it’s even more remarkable. You don’t just listen to her songs, you feel them. I haven’t broken up with anyone since the 20th century, yet Back to Black takes you right back there every time you allow yourself to be pulled in. I’m talking about the entire album, not just the song. “Back to Black” to be one of the greatest songs created in my lifetime. Yet, an argument could easily be made that it’s not even the best on the album. Immediately following “Back to Black” is “Love is a Losing Game”. Then “Tears Dry On Their Own”. Then “Wake Up Alone”. Don’t make me choose a favorite because I can’t. Have there been four better songs about heartbreak, ever? They were all written and performed by the same young woman at essentially the same time. How is that possible? So many songs are relatable because you can apply their lyrics to something that happened in your own life. I find it difficult to apply my own experiences to Amy’s music because the stories she tells are so uniquely hers. Her songs are written from such a distinct perspective that I can’t exactly relate, nor do I want to. Amy’s best songs delve into such a dark place that I appreciate her ability and willingness to show it to me, but I don’t want to stay there for more than 3-4 minutes. Sadly, the traits that made her an otherworldly songwriter likely also made her so susceptible to drugs, alcohol, and heartbreak. Whatever she decided to do, she poured her heart and soul into it. It made for some amazing music, but at what cost?
Everything wasn’t just painful with Amy, though. Far from it, which brings me to my next favorite quality of hers: I can’t think of anyone to whom more adjectives apply. The Amy Winehouse At The BBC vinyl collection folds open to reveal a collage of photos and a quote that says, “She was shy, warm, funny, cheeky, complicated, a mass and a mess of contradictions, affectionate, loyal, a tricky customer when she chose to be, occasionally too hot to handle.” Here’s the best way I can describe how I feel about Amy: I have two teenage daughters and there some Amy Winehouse traits that I’d love for them to share, but there are also some Amy traits that are terrifying and I hope for them to avoid at all costs. I think about what it must have been like to know her. I assume a roller coaster ride with thrilling highs accompanied by devastating lows. A magnetic personality who brought light to every room she was in but also volatile enough to ruin it at any given moment. Her aptitude for writing about heartbreak may have only been surpassed by her wicked sense of humor. For every “Back to Black” and “Love is a Losing Game” there’s also “In My Bed” and “I Heard Love is Blind”. I’ll never forget the moment I realized she was singing, “The only time I hold your hand is to get the angle right,” and it made me do a spit take. What a hilariously devastating line. Same goes for, “I couldn’t resist him. His eyes were like yours. His hair was exactly the shade of brown. He’s just not as tall, but I couldn’t tell. It was dark and I was lying down.” Man, she was funny and I’m not even sure she was trying to be. She was so matter-of-fact about it.
Amy had at least a little bit of everything, but mostly when I think of Amy Winehouse I think badass. That’s a term applied to often to people who don’t deserve it, but in this case I can think of no greater compliment. Amy did shit on her terms. Like so many of my favorite artists, at times a walking contradiction. Simultaneously vulnerable and fearless. She wrote what she felt. She was an artist. To quote her from the recently released biopic Back to Black, she “ain’t no fucking Spice Girl.”
Of course, it’s difficult to mention Amy Winehouse without acknowledging the ugly side. I choose to remember her as a brilliant singer/songwriter with a big heart and a wicked sense of humor. Yes, she had some demons…a lot of demons. I’d rather not write about it at all and just focus on the music, but you can’t separate the art from the artist with Amy. So much of what happened to her came out in her music (See “Rehab” among others). The pain and struggles of her real life are a large part of what made her songwriting so compelling. What I don’t care for is the tabloid bullshit. There was a period in her career when Amy Winehouse was a frequent disaster in public. Instead of helping her, people acted like she wasn’t even a human being. She was treated like an animal in a cage and her sole purpose was to entertain us. The worse she got, the more delighted the paparazzi seemed. Did the photographers, tabloids, gossip columnists, talk show hosts, and everyone else who reveled in her misfortune stop for a second and consider what was happening to Amy Winehouse? Apparently not as long as she was providing them with content. I don’t care about celebrity gossip. I despise it. Those people gleefully contributed to her downfall and I struggle to forgive that. I celebrate Amy’s talent and only care about the other stuff as it relates to her music. She was a troubled soul and reminiscing about how her problems were handled still bothers me.
I could (and will) continue for days about Amy, but my purpose here is to convince people who only know the tabloid side of Amy to hear what I hear…and to correct a wrong. I listen to my Amy Winehouse Mix CD from February and it’s amazing solely because it’s a playlist of Amy Winehouse music, not because I did such a great job selecting the songs. Mostly I just think to myself, “What the fuck was I doing? I want a do-over.” I know so much more now. I’m going to beg your pardon and throw a new mixtape your way. As always, I have rules with these mixtapes. I have an 80-minute limit since that was the amount of space on a blank CD. I have a couple other stipulations, of course. This time no live music on the mixtape. Only studio stuff. That doesn’t mean that there won’t be some demos, alternate versions, and rarities. Instead, I’ll also give you a link to my favorite live versions of the songs so you can get a taste of Amy live compared to Amy in the studio. Plus, because I love her so much as a songwriter I’m going to throw in some of my favorite lyrics. With all that said, strap in. We’re over 1,500 words in and I’m just getting started.
Oh yeah, one more thing: I gave Prince and D’Angelo the new post every day treatment and Amy is deserving of the same. The complaint I get the most from my readers is that my posts are too long. I create long posts because that’s what I prefer to read, but I’m attempting to compromise. I will begrudgingly admit that this is already a long post and adding 22 songs with commentary would push the length beyond the limits of anything most people would care to read. Who am I kidding? I probably passed that threshold several paragraphs ago. Tomorrow and every day after for the next three weeks you’ll get a track from my Amy Winehouse Mix CD along with some thoughts and a link to my favorite live version. I will unsuccessfully try to keep them brief. I hope you’ll join me for this ride and gain the same appreciation that I have for Amy Winehouse the artist. I’ll be back with more tomorrow.
This is for Amy.
mookiefantana 
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